Husband does not want children - is it possible to convince him

Planning children is a serious step to which you need to approach with a great responsibility. Women to this pushes the instinct of motherhood, but everything is somewhat more complicated with men. They look different in a different way, and for most of them, the appearance of offspring is not the main purpose of the relationship. Quite often, women face that the husband does not want children, and they do not know what to do about it. Someone goes to the cunning, and pregnant with fraudulent way, and someone decides to disperse. How to act in such a situation, and whether it is possible to convince her husband - I will tell you in this article.

Men's fears and doubts

Unfortunately, the situation is not rarely found when a woman dreams about a child in a pair, and a man does not share her desire. She thinks that over time, he will change his mind, but this does not happen. When patience on the outcome, women can go to extreme measures, for example, to put an ultimatum or go for tricks to achieve the desired. That's just nothing to do with anything.

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To resolve this situation, first of all, you need to talk to a man, and ask him why he does not want to start a child. Perhaps he has fears and doubts about which he is hesitated to say. But for the husband to share his thoughts, it is not necessary to put pressure on it - start the conversation "from afar," asking the leading questions.

Unwillingness to start children can be explained by the following reasons:

• Fear of cardinal change. The appearance of a new family member fully changes life. New concerns appear, duties and needs, and you can easily forget about pleasures. Instead of a beautiful, well-groomed wife around the house will go tired aunt, and a calm, comfortable atmosphere will be filled with the baby's cries.
• Fear of losing the attention of my wife. With the birth of a baby, a woman appears a lot of new worries, she is tired more, and she almost does not have time to her husband.
• Fear of the fact that the wife will launch himself. Mommy has no time to fully care, beauty treatments and visits to the beauty salon. A man is afraid that his wife will lose his beauty and will no longer attract him as before.
• Insecurity in the material situation. With the advent of the child, financial costs are significantly increasing, and the income is reduced, because the wife stops working. Most men believe that the child can be started only when there is their housing and stable high earnings. Otherwise, the financial load will be too large, and the man simply is afraid not to cope with it.
• Unwillingness to limit themselves. A childless pair has a lot of time on entertainment and hobbies. They can go for a walk at any time, in the cinema, shopping, etc. With the advent of the baby, the freedom of woman is dramatically limited and, naturally, it will be offended if the husband prefers to go to a meeting with friends, instead of staying with her at home. Permanent claims on this will lead to a break in relationships.
• Negative acquaintance experience. Looking at the pairs that already have children, men mentally try on the role of fatherhood. They see how their friends are exhausted, often talking about family problems and constant difficulties, and all this beat off the desire to start their own child. Interestingly, they are most often looped on negative aspects, and do not take into account the positive side of the presence of children in the family.
• The feeling that he wants to use only for conception. When a woman constantly talks about the desire to give birth to a child, a man begins to think, and whether she loves him in fact, or it is needed only for conception. Wife's obsession makes her husband feel unloved and used.
• Availability of health problems. Men do not like to talk about their own problems, especially if it applies to health. Starting relationships, they may default that they cannot have children or they have diseases that are inherited.

Psychological reasons

Malem is much more difficult to decide to have children, and the nature of that nature. Women to this step pushes the maternal instinct, while men approach this issue more rationally and pragmatic. Most often, they want to first be implemented and become on their feet to provide their own family, but sometimes the reasons for the refusal of children lie in a psychological aspect. According to psychologists, there are a lot of serious internal reasons for which the husband does not want a child, and even he himself can not realize this.

1. Lack of family values. If in childhood the boy did not have an understanding that the family without children is not a full-fledged, then in adulthood he will not strive for the birth of a child. In addition, a man could observe a negative attitude towards himself, or to children as a whole, from parents. As a result, the conviction appears in the subconscious, that children are bad.
2. Hard childhood. If in childhood a man had to survive a lot of difficulties, for example, permanent quarrels of the house, misunderstanding, lack of money, and so on, then in his subconsciousness negative associations with this period. It will seem to him that his child will suffer the same fate.
3. Unwillingness to take responsibility. Infantility is inherent in many men. Regardless what their real age, they want to remain children who need to take care and take attention to them. The appearance of a child in the family means that he will have to take responsibility for someone else, instead of continuing to live as he wants.
4. Egoism. The desire to live for yourself without burdensive care and obligations is the most common cause of the abandonment of children. A man seems to be that he has not yet arrived, and did not know all the charms of life, and with the advent of the child it will be impossible.

A man will find a lot of reasons for noting children if he is not ready for them. You can get to the truth to the truth in one way - to bring it to a frank conversation. But it is necessary to do it delicately, otherwise everything can end the scandal.

What if the husband does not want children?

The first thing that the woman should make is to talk to her husband. It is necessary to unobtrusively find out why he does not want to start a child. According to his answers, it will be possible to understand how categorical is his decision, and is it possible to change it. It is important in the dialogue not to blame the spouse and not to put pressure on it, otherwise you can provoke an attack of aggression, and the starting conversation will have to postpone for a long time. You also need to listen carefully to your man, and give him a feeling that you understand his position, and do not condemn it.

Psychologists recommend to act according to the following instructions:

1. Since the birth of a child is associated with restrictions, first of all, it is necessary to explain that his life is practically not changed, and he will not have to put a cross in his own desires and interests. All you need to do is to organize life correctly and share responsibilities.
2. Donate your husband that the appearance of a new member in the family is not only concerns, and and joy. It can be said that the child will make your family full and truly happy.
3. Be sure to beloved in the fact that the problems with housing, career and other solutions are solved, and you will handle their joint efforts.
4. Tell him that the appearance of the child will give him masculinity and attractiveness. Having become a father, he will feel more mature, responsibly and relevant.
5. If a man is afraid that his wife loses his attractiveness and launch himself, he should remind him that it could happen and without the appearance of a child, if he wishes himself.
6. Preparation for paternity should be gradual and unobtrusive. If at the moment the husband is not ready to talk about it, postpone the conversation for a while. If he says that he himself will raise this topic when will be ready, then it is necessary to respect his decision and not impose.
7. When the refusal of children is due to psychological trauma, you should contact a psychotherapist. Joint sessions will help overcome fears and achieve mutual understanding.

In the harmonious, happy family of spouses at the same time, a desire to have a child will appear. If there are some disagreements, and the man has not yet matured to such a responsible step, then a woman should be patient and wisdom. If the beloved for a long time does not change his decision, and no arguments and persuasion on it do not work, perhaps it is worth reconsider relations with him.

RESULTS

• If a man does not want a child, you need to first find out the reasons for his failure.
• It is impossible to force her husband to change its opinion, and even more so to put ultimatum.
• For a man, the birth of a child is even more responsible step, because he understands that he will need to provide a family.
• Only due to continuous communication, you can debunk fears of the beloved regarding the emergence of a new family member.