Many couples face such a problem as a passion of passion at a certain stage of relationships: when the hormones calm down a little, the inlentibility is replaced with mature love, habit, plus permanent life is added, routine. Indeed, in such conditions, it is very difficult to preserve the former attraction to each other, so the question arises more and more often: "How to return the passion in relation to my husband / wife?" Well, let's try to find an answer to it in today's material.
Where and why is the passion?
Before answering the question, delivered at the beginning of the article, it is necessary to understand the basic reasons for the disappearance of passion in marital pairs. To do this, refer to the information proposed by the popular psychologist Yaroslav Samoilov. What does the expert consider this?
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When people fall in love, there are special chemical processes in their brain, thanks to which there is a strong passion, an attraction and a permanent sexual desire. Lovely, as you know, does not last forever, with her extinction gradually comes down on no and thirst for intimate feats. But what are the reasons for reducing passion? There are several of them.
Lack of sincerity from the beginning of the relationship . "It is better bitter truth than a sweet lie" - the famous proverb says and it really wants to apply in this context. Indeed, often the rapid disappearance of passion is due to the initial insincerity of partners with each other.
When they are not trying to solve their problems in sex, but we will mask them by the skillful imitation of pleasure - and this can be characteristic both for women and for men. Naturally, over time, pretend to be bored and the partner / partner begins to "lean" from his marital duties.
Full idyll in the family . Often the question of refunding in the relationship of passion is given by the so-called "exemplary spouses" against the background of total respect and sincere mutual love. Psychologists in this case talk about the paradox of intimate proximity: the beloved are so similar to each other, they have unconditional understanding, but as a result, the relationship does not get a variety, emotionality, which leads to the extinction of sexual desire.
Confidence that "the spouse / spouse will not go anywhere" . This situation is characteristic of married couples, for a long time living in the legitimate union. They perceive the stamp in the passport as a kind of 100% guarantee that the partner will be nearby all the time, even despite the presence of problems in relationships.
In fact, it is nothing more than an illusion, but it is because of it, many girls / women cease to pay due attention to their appearance. And representatives of the strong floor forget about pleasant and important little things: compliments with a spouse, gifts. To correct the problem, both it is important to start to work on relationships, as at the beginning of the acquaintance.
The separation of the concepts of "love" and "passion" . In some cases, people make separation between emotional and mental attachment and sexual activation. In their picture of the world, sex and love are not combined with each other, so they can sincerely love chosen / chief, at the same time intrigues on the side or at least dreaming about them.
Permanent quarrels . They act as perfect killers for sexual desire. This problem is especially characteristic of closed people who do not know how to openly express discontent in the eyes of the second half, but the years of bearing the insults in the depths of their heart. Although regular rapid clarification of relationships also actively destroy the former sexual gusts. To solve the situation, it is important to study again to start respecting each other and practicing mutual understanding.
Insufficient sexual attraction . Sometimes one of the partners systematically avoids the return of the debt on quite banal reasons: it does not feel sufficient sexual excitement. And here it is already necessary to understand in the true reasons for the decline in attraction - to begin with a full examination of the doctor. Although it is possible that your partner is simply not well monitored: you are annoyed by the smell of his sweat, he has greatly recovered and so on.
Wrong model of behavior . In family relations, it is very important that the spouses initially occupy the right positions - that is, they performed their true roles. But it is often possible to observe various variants of deviations: let's say when the wife begins to relate to her beloved not as an adult man, but as a small child, turning into his "mommy". Naturally, at the subconscious level, a man does not allow the emergence of sexual lust to his "parent", therefore, sex can disappear from the relationship.
Woman in submission . Some of the weak representatives are confident that if they begin to fulfill each whim of their faithful, then such actions will be frozen feelings. In reality, a man can agree with such a position of things, but then he disappears to the spouse. According to the result, the passion fades, often at both partners.
Sex does not bring pleasure . It is logical that in this case there is a natural "decision" of the situation - just stopping them. This is typical of women who have not learned to experience orgasm and for men suffering from sexual dysfunction. They subconsciously associate any sexual contact with failure, which affects the frequency (and quality) of proximity.
Psychological difficulties in partners . For sexual desire, external factors are strongly influenced, such as stress (and it may not be in relationships, but, for example, at work), toxic connections with relatives or chronic fatigue.
Another common reason is the previously transferred sexual violence or improper upbringing, when, from childhood, parents inspired the child that Intimate is something dirty, shameful and bad. Then the difficulties with the lust become a mandatory pair satellite. To solve such problems, a qualified specialist is needed - a psychologist, psychotherapist or a sexologist.
Transfer effect . Spouses appears, for a long time living in marriage, which are so accustomed to each other, which unconsciously begin to perceive their elect / Chiorite as a relative. But making love with relatives it is impossible, therefore intimate proximity to subconsciously become something forbidden. Sometimes transfer cases are characteristic of those couples in which one of the spouses is very emotionally tied to someone from relatives, for example, mom or dad. Whatever it was, it is important for the decision to turn to a specialist.
How to return the passion in relationship: Recommendations for women
If you notice the worsening of your intimate relationships with your loved one, but the situation is not yet critical, you can try to destroy everything yourself, without applying to psychologists. And here the following advice from Yaroslav Samoilov and Lara Litvinova will come to the rescue.Tip 1: Sometimes resting from each other
The popular reason for the disorder of intimate relationships during a long marriage is that the spouses spend too much time together. And then, at first it is really necessary, in the future leads to negative consequences - feeling with each other.
Psychologists advise in this case to give themselves with a partner rest from his friend - to maintain bright emotions in a pair. Temporary disconnection is very helpful here: go for a week to another city or let me make it a spouse. Under the influence of the distance and dissatisfaction, from the impossibility of seeing a loved one, feelings are noticeably exacerbated.
At worst, try just sleeping in different rooms (if the living space allows). The listed actions will help you to miss and strengthen the desire of proximity.
Tip 2: Be the most frank in bed
Start during sex to describe what you feel your partner, note all your sensations, you can use additionally associations, memories, pictures or fantasies. And, of course, do not forget to speak the beloved about what you like either do not like in his actions, directing it in the right direction.
After all, if you are silent, what is the likelihood that your husband will understand how to bring you pleasure yourself? Therefore, it is so important to pronounce your feelings, not forgetting and about the feelings of your partner. The frankness contributes to the increase in libido and will strengthen the desire of intimate jellows, significantly increase their quality.
Tip 3: Forget problems
Absolutely all people sometimes quarrel and find out the relationship. And this is quite normal, because the family is the Union of two different individuals having often different views, beliefs, interests. The main thing that needs to be done is to learn to forgive, releaving resentment and forgetting about the forced disassembly.Tip 4: Do not think about anything
Very often, the main enemy of the lack of pleasure from proximity is our own thoughts about various everyday problems in the process. Learn to leave them all aside when you are going to make love with my husband. To do this, you can think of yourself a special ritual, which will always tune you to the desired way, remove from everything foreign: for example, taking a bath with foam.
Tip 5: Test a passion for yourself
And this is not at all about sexual deviations, but about sincere, unconditional love for yourself and appropriate. The world around the world is a huge mirror reflecting us. For example, when we strongly annoying a certain trait of another person - it means that we do not accept it, first of all, in yourself.
If you wish to resurrect former passion - start with yourself and your life. Do not seek to get it from the partner, but first give. Think about whether you really love yourself? Are you enough for yourself, do you choose your favorite new things or cosmetic procedures? How does your reality go, do interesting events or boring, sullen in it prevail?
Fill your life with passion - sign up for the dances that you like, go to yoga, start running in the morning. Or maybe you have long dreamed of going to certain courses, but did not all be solved? It's time to do it now. Find a lesson in the shower, from which you will buzz on the full coil. When you begin to live in pleasure, being in harmony with you, then relations with the spouse will bring more pleasure.
Tip 6: Tell me "No" complexes
Many ladies have a large list of intimate prohibitions that do not agree to do in bed with her husband. Very often it leads to monotony and as a result of cooling passion. It is important to get rid of sexual taboos, readily try something new. Therefore, the task for the weekend is to buy "Kama Sutra" and start studying it, embodying his innermost desires in life.Tip 7: Pay enough attention to each other
The first council spoke about the need for rest from his beloved person, but the opposite situation is possible - the sharp lack of time spent with his spouse. Often this happens when the baby appears in the family, which takes the woman almost all the time. The husband does not pay attention, feels superfluous, unnecessary, which can provoke him to go to the left. There is a way out - allocate time for yourself with a partner, no matter what excuses. And the children periodically trust the grandmothers or, as an option, you can use the services of special children's centers, where the baby will come under the supervision while mom and dad will rest a little from him.
Finally, I would like to add that any relationship (sexual in particular) is a big work of two people. Do not forget about it and if your problems are serious enough, it is better to sign up for the reception to a good psychologist, which subsequently derived a divorce. Be happy!