For more than twenty years I have been working in family psychology. Over the years, I worked with thousands of family couples and was convinced of one - the problems of most people are very similar and quite solved. And in new relations, and in a long family life, one of the most private problems is jealousy.
This feeling often simply destroys love, because jealousy caresses to people eyes, makes the control of the control and make terrible actions. Jealousy becomes a reason for scandals, after which the relationship in the pair is cracking on the seams. Therefore, in this article I decided to tell about the main reasons for the occurrence of jealousy and explain how to deal with it.
What happened?
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You can hear a variety of allegations about jealousy - and that it does not arise from scratch, and that it is proof of love. But in fact, this feeling is completely useless and only kills the nerves of both paired. The fact is that if there is a reason for such feelings, then the problem is much wider and more difficult, and if there is no reason, then you just suffer in a flat place. Why does jealousy arise?
- Jealousy is the fear of losing a loved one. Often he arises due to the insecurity in himself - it seems to you that there are many competitors around your partner who are more beautiful or more interesting to you.
- The sense of property and hypercontrolle. Often, people are jealous simply because they want to have complete control over the life of a partner. With this it is necessary to fight and work, such a desire is abnormal.
- Too much free time. Often, people simply do not have their own affairs and hobbies, and when the partner begins to try to do something with his own, they are angry and begin to jealous.
- Negative scenarios. We all have some kind of deal of relationships, besides, we see the experience of our own parents. And those who have seen treason often begin to jealous even loyal, honest and generally perfect partners.
How to get rid of this feeling?
- Realize the reason. Think: Does your jealousy do you have any real motives, or have you invented?
- Do not look for a reason. Do not try to find something suspicious. People who capture jealousy often begin to try to climb a partner in the telephone, look suspicious on social networks or search things. Such measures are always bad. You humiliate yourself, humiliate the dignity of your loved one and, at the same time, you can do something not so understand and arrange a scandal from scourge. If there are suspicions, it is better to open a social network or phone.
- Take yourself interesting things that you sincerely fond. Find a hobby that the truth will pass you, but this hobby should be only yours - give yourself a partner to rest and miss you.
- Support your loved one. Support it in all matters, in no case do not devalue what he spends his time. Support, motivate - and man wants to tell you more, and you will be calmer.
- Make friends with friends. Yes Yes! One of the frequent mistakes is a man or a woman not convergently with the characters with friends of a loved one, they begin to quarrel, provoke scandals or even prohibit communication. It is unlikely that it will work out - sooner or later a person or refuses to fulfill your requests, or starts communicating with the company is secretive. And if friends love you, then you will walk together, and in the case of some ugly situation you immediately learn about everything.
- Honestly tell about your experiences, without scandals and hitting. If the quarrels because of jealousy did not turn into terrible scandals, then try simply talk. Tell us calmly what exactly you worry - maybe, for a loved one, it is quite a trifle, and it will easily refuse an unpleasant factor. The main rule in this moment is to speak calmly and never blame. On the contrary, put everything on yourself: "Sorry, I am jealous \ jealous, I understand that it is stupid, but I go crazy, help me get rid of this feeling." In the soft form of requests, we are usually happy to execute.
And if there is a reason?
If there is a reason for your jealousy, that is, you change, lie, flirt with others, and you have unambiguous evidence, then it is impossible to talk about getting rid of jealousy. Immediately, without regrets, tear such relationships - just as they will get a chance to continue.Immediately lose your person, can be very frightened. Your importance will increase dramatically, it will begin to miss and regret betrayal. If he had some feelings before that, the partner will do everything to return your love and trust.
Let's summarize
- Jealousy is one of the most popular problems in relationships. It concerns both those couples that only recently agreed and those who have been together for many years.
- Jealousy occurs for various reasons, and very often there is really no reason for her. To get rid of this feeling, you need to correctly understand where it appears from.
- If the reason for jealousy is the partner and the truth looks to the side, it makes no sense to fight this feeling, we must immediately turn the relationship.
- If there are no serious reasons for jealousy, you need to try to get rid of jealousy. Take yourself interesting things and frankly talk about your feelings.
- Do not prohibit anything beloved and do not limit it. Better on the contrary - sincerely interest his affairs, try to build a good relationship with his friends. So you calm yourself and only once again convince your loved one - you can't lose you.