I will never forget an excerpt from an interview with a suicide woman - he was published in the women's magazine, once a long time ago. "I knew that I would hurt, I was ready for it. He left, I stayed with my love and pain that was ready to endure and wait. But the year passed, the other, and the pain did not pass, became stronger. And I realized that I could not live with her. " Woman got from the world. Judging by the interview, the pain never passed. Because they pumped out her, but how to build a life when love is lost, they did not explain.
I then recalled this interview when I myself turned out to be alone with my pain. The memory of a suicide woman was forced to stay and look for a remedy for diving in darkness - it should be, to find it! For those who cannot cope with himself. So I became acquainted with psychologists - real, able to think and save people. I gathered all their advice in one saving arch, and if this article will help at least a single little man do not break, do not lose the ability to love, I will be happy.
Forget mission impossible
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Although it can begin as relief. We do not always understand that in reality means a break with your loved one for us. Sometimes we suffer over excessive self-confidence, we think that the wreck of the old is the beginning of something new. We flore and feel free. Even if the initiative of the parting proceeded not from us, the pride tries to deceive, give hope. But now, the new relationships do not begin in any way, and not because no one notices you, but because they are not needed .... You understand with horror that this love was the past, lost, and no one will replace it.
You hurried to discard everything that today "negative emotions" today, they wanted to be strong, wanted to be higher than this and instead of honestly, deeply and truthfully survive their pain, pretended to see that she was not.
Survive?
Yes, you need to look at the truth. But this does not mean that in pain you need to plunge and drown in it. All wrong. Give yourself a deadline to think about everything impartially, remember and figure out. Can't you yourself? Go to a good, proven psychologist. But let it take this time. Put a certain limit. How much do you need to understand feelings, tell yourself yourself, how do you suffer, understand how deep your pain is? Three weeks? This is the limit. These days do not pretend to be fun and cheerful. Yes, life continues, the rules of life in society, work, maternal duties (if there are children) Nobody canceled.
The surrounding should not pay for your grief, but you should not do "Smiley Fais" when you have a cat scraper on your soul. Continue to fulfill your duty, but in these three weeks a little limit the communication with outsiders - you are too vulnerable. Are there faithful girlfriends? Great, let them come, support. Just do not force them around the 20th circle to listen to the same stories about how "you were fine, and I do not understand why he left!"
If you have a child, remember - for him, parting with the second parent is even a bigger nightmare than all your suffering. And if you will be egoistic to swim in your flour, it will forever lose heartfelt intimacy with your own baby. And he will be wounded until the end of his life, "thrown" by both parents. Do not allow it!
Lost heaven
In these three weeks, you will most likely remember all the bright minutes of your relationship, cherish them, represent the past love in pink color and thus beyond the wounds, pushing the illusion that the gap is a mistake and everything will ever come back. Please do not listen to your favorite songs, do not revise your favorite movies and do not go to those places where you were so happy together. Just avoid all this!I know, this is a reception below the belt, but remember the best stories in which the lover was unfair and tougher to you. They will open your eyes. Tell me: "I do not deserve this appeal! I deserve respect and happiness! " If you are proud, it will save you.
Quarantine is over
So, three terrible weeks passed. From this moment, prohibit yourself to think about lost love. Just stop the stream of thoughts with effort of will. But it is not necessary to immediately rush into the whirlwind of intrigues and adventures. Yes, miracles happen, and Joe Dassin met with the future wife at the airport, when she cried - she just threw an invalid friend. He entertained her all the way and tried to cheer. But such stories are an exception.
After severe separation, you are a destroyed person, to some extent. Women are not so labilic and not so soon come to themselves as men. Studies show that the average man meets a new passion no later than a year after separation from the old one. And for a woman, this period is five years. FIVE YEARS! Not because we are a throwing goods, in contrast to men.
We needed exactly so much time to heal spiritual wounds, again believe in yourself and find a man who will arrange us. And if you all this time will rush into the whirlpool of passions and convulsely cling to men, what will happen to your heart? He will be happy, dat, destroy.
Source of anxiety
It is very important to stop all sorts of meetings with the former, correspondence with it - delete the source of the "infection". Men have a curious property ... They can leave you, but it will not interrupt you a relationship, will not stop noticing you and will not go to the other side of the street at the meeting. It seems to them that all of their former are now their harem, and someday he will be able to sleep with you if the wife went on a business trip. Why all tear? Not necessary.
You must once and forever give to understand this person that everything is over between you. No "returns of the living dead." Do you have one company? We'll have to see it less often. One job? Very difficult, very. Most likely, someone will have to go if only you are not an iron lady with a stone heart.
Remove from friends in all social networks, do not try to learn news about him and even forbid a common acquaintance to tell something about your former. If they appreciate you and gentle, they listen to you. No? To the line of such acquaintances! Unfortunately, the old rule "from the eye from the heart of Won" is the only existing one.
Perhaps you broke up with friends, they were sure that we could handle and no need to spoil the relationship. Then contact him: "Leave me for a while, it hurts me! Please do not bother me. " Then there is a chance that in a few months or years the pain will pass, and friendship will continue. There have been such cases.
You are very, very busy
If you are sincerely religious - it is a big luck. Appeal to the highest strength always facilitates the pain of loss, even the most monstrous. Go to the confession, fight hard, believe that help will come over.
Yes, you need to take yourself. Even if it seems that there is no strength to get out of bed. It is best to do charity, go to those who worse than you. If you are not endowed with a good person and try to find a part-time job and simply translate money for charity. And new boots will not help you ...
Conclusion
- Do not treat heart pain as a favorable and stupidity - she can bring you to illness.
- Do not torment yourself with "bright memories" is a hoax and the path to madness. Be truthful and even cynical, look at things in the true light, do not make sure past relationships.
- Set the period that you yourself released to deal with the past. And then just forbid yourself to think about it. Forever and ever.
- Find those who suffer more than you are, and not at all from heart pain. Help the neighbor, and joy will cure you from pain.