How to keep marriage happy, how to live to the oldest in love and harmony? Each woman is asked by these questions, because everyone dreams of getting married once and forever. There are answers to these burning questions from psychologists who are studying in detail and in detail the family relationships and all sorts of crisis situations in marriage. The marriage of my girlfriend was already cracked along the seams, but she managed to preserve relations, thanks to the reading of literature on psychology and visits to a psychologist. In the article I will tell you what you need to do to preserve the married relationship.
What is studying the psychology of family life
Psychology is a scientific discipline, so it comes from a scientific point of view to the issue of family life. Consequently, psychologists can be trusted. No one, besides them, will not be able to give a scientifically based answer to questions about the crisis in family life.
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Subject to study the psychology of family relations:
- Dynamics of development of relations in a pair;
- Types and types of crisis relations;
- adaptation of a couple in society;
- reasons for divorces;
- Much.
When a psychologist works with a marriage couple, it delves in detail in all the details of family life: Communicative features, spiritual and intimate relationship. Each separate pair is individual in its manifestation, therefore, the unified norm of "correctness" of the development of relations does not exist. In many respects, they are formed under the influence of education, public morality and the near environment. What is prohibited in one society is encouraged in another. Therefore, only an individual approach to solving the issue will be able to find the correct answer.
On a note! Young people do not seek to listen to the opinion of their partner. This adversely affects family relationships. Many family pairs fall apart after the registration of marriage.
In our time, free love and relationships there is an alarming trend of increasing the marriage processes, which is not surprising. Each person is looking for a comfortable way of existence and does not want to take into account the needs of his neighbor. This is observed everywhere, not only in Russia and the CIS countries. Socio-economic instability in the world provokes instability in marital unions, which are focused on material security primarily. Young spouses do not want to work on relationships, demonstrate their own and consumer qualities, which inevitably leads to a break of relations.
Modern people are not ready for a meeting with the difficulties and problems of the family, for them it is an impossible work: it is better to disperse in different directions and live calmly. If our parents and grandfathers knew how to give a decent residue with life difficulties, the current generation of young people is not accustomed to this. When meeting the first household and family problems, people seek to distance themselves and from them, and from each other. If the married couple is ready to learn to combat the difficulties and the ability to overcome them, it is safe to say that their marriage will continue.
From which family relationships depend
The psychology of family life is based on the interaction of people close to the blood and the spirit of family members. Difficulties arise immediately, if the characters of people do not fit each other. If one of the partners are not ready to put up with the psychological peculiarities of another, friction inevitably arise. The oil in the fire adds a negative example of parent relationships if they were far from ideal. Although they say that with a cute paradise and in a halary, in practice many married couples broke up due to an unresolved housing issue.
Exemplary list of reasons for disorders in relationships:
- reluctance to accept the shortcomings of a partner;
- bad habits of one of the partners;
- unresolved housing question;
- treason, adherence on the side;
- Birth of the firstborn;
- Breakfit marriage;
- Household / Professional Fatigue;
- long lack of a partner due to business trips, frequent departures;
- Unrealized expectations.
Harmful habits are not as safe as they may seem at first glance. The addiction to alcohol and narcotic components may eventually be aggravated and lead to an unbearable existence next to a person dependent on them. This also includes the reluctance to comply with the elementary norms of hygiene, which sometimes becomes a surprise for the second partner: he did not even know about this together.
If you add to the overall picture the need to crash at removable corners and give a lot of money for this, then a joint life may seem like unbearable. It is much easier to return to the native home to parents and not to suffer financial issues.
The birth of a child, as well as his absence, is also one of the many factors for family relations. A fruitless woman can pay for the threshold and gave birth to a healthy child - too. In the first case, the cause is the fact of the absence of the heir, in the second case - the load of problems for child care. Bad and both: Because a modern person in everything can find a problem.
The birth of the baby often accompanies changes in husband's behavior: he begins to be interested in adventures on the side. Because there is fun and do not need to break your head, where to take money to ensure the needs of the child. The young man is looking for pleasure, runs away from problems, and then it decides to break the marriage bonds at all - they become a hindrance in life.
Sometimes the long-term absence of one of the spouses is becoming the cause of the relationship of relationships or care for the elderly / sick parents. If there is no common binder, such marriages disintegrate.
As you can see, family relationships depend on a variety of factors that sometimes develop into an unacceptable life picture for humans. Therefore, the marriage partner tired of such a life suddenly realizes that his hopes for marriage with a partner were not justified. In fact, the romance of love has disappeared, which the corresponding hormones provided. And without the romance of love, life turned his true face, to a meeting with whom a person was simply not ready.
Crisis relations
Today, everyone knows that marriage relationships need to build - you need to work on them. Two people with different characters / temperament / cultural requests simply do not get along with one roof.
Three types of marriage relationships:
- symmetric;
- complimar;
- Metacompariment.
Symmetrical marriage - These are the ideal relationship in which both partners share responsibility for joint reality and the future. In this relationship there is no dominant start, both partners are equal and interdependent, always looking for compromises and go to each other.
Commentary relations More similar to the relationship between the boss and subordinate: one spouse makes decisions, the second simply executes them.
Metacomparimentary relations - This is a manipulation of a partner, cunning and competent. The spouse, who studied the weakness of the other, simply controls through them. Moreover, the manipulator does not take into account the interests of the partner, but acts only for the benefit of himself.
How to achieve perfect relationships with spouse? First, not to let everything on samonek. It is not necessary to hope that after the wedding, everything will be done by itself, it is extinguished and wound. It will not happen. Therefore, there are two ways to provide a happy family life:
- Choose a partner, taking into account his psychotype, before the wedding;
- Work on relationships immediately after the wedding.
In China, it is very serious about choosing a marriage partner: everything is checked on a horoscope and astrological tables. In Tsarist Russia, the spouses were selected by parents, given their experience of family life. Nowadays, young people arrange their family life, so every second pair is divorced. But we will try to deal with this difficult issue.
In fact, the marriage union consists of crisis turns, which there will be many during life:
- 1st year: two different characters are trying to get along in one space;
- 3rd year: this is the time of the appearance of the firstborn, so the rating of spouses undergo tested for durability - whether the husband is ready for dedication; If there is no child - the reason for the quarrel will be in this;
- 5th year: the woman comes out after the decree to work and the new round of crisis relationship begins;
- 7th year: a monotony crisis, partners suffocate from the routine and hope to find a way out of the crisis divorced;
- 14-15 years old: Marriages disintegrate because of the change.
So, if the marriage was not collapsed in the first 3 years of living together, it can break through 15 and even 20 years. Men begin to realize that life passes, and with her and sexual joy. Many are trying to "rejuvenate" at the expense of a young partner.
How to keep marriage
What to do? It is necessary to try to keep the fact that the right one belongs to two. To do this, follow the following recommendations of psychologists:
- respect each other;
- distribute duties at home;
- diversify intimate relationships;
- express your claims, do not keep in yourself;
- During the clarification of relations to prevent insults;
- try to find compromise solutions in all;
- Do not notice small turmoil.
Respect for each other - the basis of marriage. It is impossible to live with a person who despise, especially since to count on happiness in marriage.
Co-management of household is the only possible option of harmonious relationships. To this you need to come immediately after the wedding, do not postpone on then. Each of the spouses must be responsible for the specific sphere of life: wash the dishes, take the garbage, clean in the kitchen, etc.
Sexual dissatisfaction - a frequent cause of breaking relationships. To this not happen, diverse your intimate life. If you do not know how, sign up for a reception to a sexologist.
Scroll in your soul of resentment is not the best option to normalize relations with the spouse. One day, all the insults will break out a tremendous scandal. So that this does not happen, just express your claims as they arrive. But politely.
If there was a quarrel, then you need to quarrel politely. Do not allow yourself insults: you still have to live with this person. After quarrels with insults, there is a precipitate in the shower, he will be an obstacle to a happy relationship.
To avoid quarrels and conflicts, you need to be able to make compromises. Perhaps it looks like a bargaining "You, I, I,", but there will be no conflicts. Head to negotiate with your expensive person.
Also should not be paid to minor tapping and troubles. They will disappear, and life continues. Do not spend your strength and time on small laziness.
Remember: The less you quarrel, the stronger will be your marriage union.