Parting with an expensive person is always traumatic, especially if this man became an enemy. How to survive a divorce with her husband in order not to feel soul and physical pain? It must be remembered that the end of one life stage inevitably opens the prospect of the new one. It should not be configured in advance for a negative way: I will stay lonely, I do not find a suitable man, I do not believe anyone else.
One simple truth should be realized: life on a divorce with her husband does not end. And this means that you need to smile towards a new day and a new life stage. That is how my younger sister did, when her husband decided to captivate another woman. There were no depressions and reproaches on its part: a new round of life began.
How to start a new life
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How to start life without a former husband? In fact, everything is not so difficult, as it seems in the imagination offended by the fate of a woman. You just need to start with a clean leaf, with hope and faith looking to the future. If fate closes one door, then it will open another: the output is not only from the coffin. For some reason, many women forget about it and consider their divorce of the universal tragedy.
Pluses divorce:
- You no longer need to find out the relationships on elevated colors;
- You no longer need to be afraid of all sorts of reproaches and worships on his part;
- Your attention no longer distracts the forever displeased man;
- You will be able to give time to yourself as much as you like;
- No need to stand for hours at the slab and cook a lot of food;
- Other advantages, driven only to you.
Finding in any situation pluses - this is an ambulance in the difficult struggle for the place under the sun . If you learn how to benefit from any situation, it will be much easier to live. Did you leave a man? Smile and enjoy the rest. Not loneliness worry, but appreciate peace and rest.
On a note! It is hard to suffer the pain of loss only the first time (month, two or three), then attention begins to attract new things and new interests. Perhaps a new acquaintance with a pleasant man will take place.
Yes, the divorce is the collapse of plans for the future. But this concerns only a collaborative husband with a former husband, but not yours. Therefore, it should be planned to plan a personal future in which there will be no place for a former husband. In fact, this is an interesting creative process if you give it completely. Do not disturb your soul with memories of the past: you just need to look into the future and meet it with a smile. Many divorced women thanked the fate for parting with her husband, since after a while they had a new, more interesting life.
Psychology of the divorced woman
Many women experience the same feelings in this unfavorable period of life. Most are looking for help and councils how to survive a divorce with her husband, from professional psychologists. And this is the right decision.Psychologists distinguish between 5 stages of the adaptation of the psyche to the divorce:
- defensive reaction;
- state of resentment;
- feeling of own guilt;
- depressive condition;
- Emotional acceptance loss.
The psyche of a mentally healthy person inevitably adapts to new circumstances, although the deadlines and the emotional reaction to adaptation differ. It will depend on the nature and individuality of the woman. Someone more carelessly looks at the world, someone is used to dramatize any event.
Defensive reaction
This property is laid in the psyche of man, it is congenital. The brain must adapt to change, so the first time is in a state of discharge. Sometimes, from the side, such a reaction looks like a complete indifference to negative events, but it is only an external impression. Inside, the woman is experiencing at least the collapse of the personal universe, since all plans for the future collapsed simultaneously. This can be compared with the earthquake and the destruction of your own home.
For a while, the woman will be in a state of stupor and will not be able to take a divorce as a faithful fact. This explains the attempt to tighten the marriage process to many wives in order not to feel officially divorced. This is a strong mental pain that only a divorced woman can understand.
Why is a woman trying to deny the obvious fact of breaking relationships? Psychologists argue that it acts on the psyche as an anesthetic. At first, the pain of loss is so strongly expressed that it is not necessary for no painkillers. Some women secretly hope that the husband will come up and return . The first stage of adaptation is the most difficult for a woman's psyche, and it is almost impossible to survive it without emotional and physical losses.
Offense
After awareness of the inevitable woman immersed with his head into a state of resentment. This offense does not have a clearly extended recipient: a woman is offended by her husband, and on fate, and on the deliberate, and even on his loved ones and friends. This is a state of global resentment to everything at once: why exactly me is not lucky?Resentment can be interconnected with anger or despondency. A woman scrolls in the memory of events before divorce and is experiencing incredible suffering about this. The search for the perpetrator is the next psychological moment that every divorced wife is experiencing. Who could contribute separation from his beloved - Mistress, parents, children, girlfriends, friends? This certainly needs to find out to even calm down a little (because I do not want to confess anyone in your own mistakes).
Dangerous is the state of the psyche of a woman when she begins to blame the guilt without guilt and see the source of all his troubles in it. Her anger can collapse on relatives or children, and there are all chances to ruin their relatives for a long time. Therefore, psychologists advise not to seek the root of all the troubles, but try to restructure and accept the inevitable.
Guilt
The next stage on the way of adaptation to the new one is a feeling of own guilt. A woman comes to the thought that it was her behavior that provoked a divorce that it was necessary to talk and flow differently. Perhaps somewhere to keep silent, somewhere to give way, somewhere just do not pay attention and forgive.
Note! Women tend to feel their own guilt in front of her husband even in the event of a break of relationships because of his mistress.
The psyche of a woman is arranged in a special way, in particular, the psyche of the Russian woman. Russians tend to take all responsibility for themselves, consider themselves to blame themselves for the behavior of her husbands and torment about this. This is a very dangerous state, since meaningless torments can be brought to a mental breakdown or to a protracted depression. At this time, it is impossible to stay alone with her thoughts, it is necessary to free the soul at the reception at the psychologist or in the arms of the native person.
Depression
This is the most dangerous and most responsible step of adaptation. How strong is the psyche woman, as far as she appreciates and loves itself? I would like to note that clinical depression is possible only in some cases: this is an endogenous deviation, that is, does not depend on external factors. The usual depressive state of health hazard does not represent, can only exacerbate chronic diseases or provoke an accident (fall, burns for inattention and scattered).
Note! If the depressive state lasts more than six months, this is a reason to apply a visit to a psychotherapist.
In the state of depression, a woman can make unnecessary actions:
- Try to return the former husband;
- Trying to prove your love for him;
- clutch it at home;
- Trying to scandal with his new love.
The list of insane and unnecessary deeds can be continued for a long time, every woman it will be its special. Psychologists say that a woman is harmful to such behavior only: instead to adapt to separation faster to separation and start building a new life, she stubbornly clings for the already exhausted relationships.
Important! After the divorce, you can become much happier than married with a former husband.
Many women are so docked on the approval of their own rightness and sinlessness, which is ready to sacrifice for this even their happiness. Why spend years to return the former husband and prove your superiority if you can simply find new happiness with another man? Many women prevent pride and sense of their importance: how did he dare to throw me? And very few can ask yourself another question: Is it really free as the wind now? It is necessary to use a new life situation in a favorable key, and not try to revive the dead.
Adoption inevitable
When a woman passes through all the inner circles of hell, it will take a divorce as a faithful fact. It is asked, but it was impossible to take it right away? This logically correct question for most women remains unanswered. The psyche of our women is designed so that they cannot let go of the situation without struggle. It is a pity that there is too many personal time for meaningless struggle, which could be held with benefit.Finally, the divorced wife begins to look for the benefits of separation from the former, finally begins to think about his future and pay attention to the surrounding men. Sometimes this period coincides with the process of restoring battered nerves and the treatment of various sores on the nervous soil.
Pregnancy and divorce
This is a special situation, it is impossible to survive without emotional losses. A pregnant woman needs permanent support and understanding, and does not count on betrayal and divorce. Abandoned wives believe that surviving the divorce during pregnancy a thousand times more difficult and more outstanding. A unstable hormonal background may not withstand strong surges of negative emotions. Before a pregnant woman, the issue of survival is acute: there is nothing to the offense.
You should not run to the gynecologist and demand an abortion: the baby should not become an instrument of revenge with a negligent husband and father. This child is not to blame for anything, it does not need to be killed. In addition, the negligent father will not respond to the murder of another unborn baby, so do not dare to do it. Abortion, on the contrary, aggravate a heavy emotional state, as a sharp hormonal perestroika is seriously transferred by the body. You do not facilitate your condition, but make it much harder.
Remember that with the birth of a child there will be a sharp change in life: it will be filled with new meaning and new impressions. On the contrary, you need to expect the birth of a baby with joy to immerse yourself with your head in the wonderful world of maternal feelings. Many women dream of motherhood, which is not available to them due to natural qualities, and the nature allowed you to become a mother. It must be appreciated.
Practical advice for pregnant women:
- It is necessary to confidently communicate with a person, ready to listen to you and stretch your hand;
- Do not close in your grief, find a hobby for yourself or attend the club in interest;
- Take care of the care of baby care, it will distract you from severe thoughts about the betrayal of the former husband;
- Do not try to reanimate the past, it is better to send thoughts on a happy collaborative future with a child.
Psychologists argue that human thoughts have a material nature, so you should only think about useful and pleasant things. Maternal feelings are the most beautiful in the world, so completely give away the dreams of the future child and a new happy life.
New marriage
Many women are afraid to make new serious relationship after an unsuccessful marriage. But these fears are unfounded: all people are different. However, you should not fall into another extreme and look for healing from pain loss of old feelings. On the contrary, rarely love can bring even more suffering than old. Therefore, look for in relations without healing from pain, but real feelings.But before you need to do work on mistakes and understand why the previous marriage broke up. If this is not done, the chance of a new failure increases at times. Rather, you can step on the same rake and get a new blow to the forehead. Do not hurry, do not attempt to prove your reservation in men: it's completely nothing. It looks more like a revenge of vulnerable pride than on sincere love.
Many women for some reason do not want to stay alone in the apartment, so they are trying to quickly find a replacement to your husband. But not everyone has its own housing, and many would agree to live in their apartment even alone. He will be able to appreciate what fate is given to you, you will be able to be grateful.
New life
Treason of your loved one is a serious test in the life of every abandoned woman. However, this test should be held decent, not to fall into extremes and do not make nonsense. Woman who does not know how to keep himself in his hands, looks funny and miserable . Remember this and not give in to the temptation to arrange a fit scandal or something like that.
You need to start planning your future, taking into account past mistakes and disappointments. Bitter experience is also experience, so it should be assessed in dignity. Do not attempt to pour the mountain alcohol: it still could not be done anyone. Alcohol is excreted from the body, and the grief remains with man.
Remember: to become happy in the present, you need to be able to abandon the past. While you scroll into the head of unpleasant dialogues and remember the former husband, you will not be able to become a happy woman in a new life. You do not need to drag the old trash to a new life, he just takes place and does not bring any benefit.
On a note! Learn to find positive (profitable) moments in unpleasant situations.
To get rid of unnecessary thoughts, you need to replace them with new ones. Start engage in interesting things, attend public events, make a hobby or studying a new foreign language. The acquisition of an interesting business is well distracting from disturbing depressive thoughts and memories. You can start repairs in the apartment or update the situation.
The change of image has a beneficial effect on each female. Record to the cosmetologist, purchase a subscription to spa treatments or just do fitness. Together with the updated appearance in your life will include positive changes.
And remember: it's silly to kill in a person who made betrayal and treason. He was simply not worthy of you, so fate got rid of you from him. Do not be upset because of the failed relationship, this bitter experience has enriched you and did stronger. Once and forever, cross out the name of this man from your memory and do not spoil health because of an unworthy person.