Immunity is a hindrance to productive communication in society. How to overcome shower, which prevents how to live normally and build relationships with people? What if you are afraid to seem funny and stupid, are you afraid of recalling yourself and even just ask for help in the right thing?
My school girlfriend suffered from childhood with shy and shyness, every step in society was given to her with great difficulty and internal contradictions. And only psychotraenings helped reconsider their attitude towards themselves, life and others.
Now she lives a full-fledged life, married, received a prestigious position in the hotel service and was able to realize himself as a person. In the article, I will tell you about how to get rid of shyness and increase self-esteem.
The reasons for the appearance of shyness
How many years have decisions? Little children are not familiar with this feeling, they boldly express their emotions and are not shy to seem like funny and ridiculous.
But with the advent of social experience, the picture changes dramatically. No, someone manages to preserve the children's immediacy and feeling of blissful impunity. But others are not so lucky: the process of upbringing at home and at school lowered their self-esteem. The negative experience of communication with adults and peers made their contribution, and the person closed.
What affects low self-esteem:
- Criticism, reproaches, punishment for misconduct;
- negative comparison with other children;
- public humiliation, riding;
- Suppression of the initiative.
Psychological oppression of the child by the authority of the educator, parents, teachers forms pathological traits. They are very difficult to overcome later, they have to work a lot on themselves.
When a child is criticized, punished, ridiculed and publicly humiliate, he is feeling his own inferiority. It seems to him that he is a nasty duckling that all around is noting his inferiority and inferiority. In critical cases, such children attempt suicide in adolescence either fall into depression and fall to a clinical psychologist (at best).
At the heart of shy, children's fears caused by authoritarian education are underway.
The child is afraid:
- to make a mistake;
- say something wrong;
- be rejected and ridden;
- To be misunderstood.
To avoid this all, he will simply silence once again, will move away, goes into the shadow. Especially difficult to emotional and impressionable children, they are much sharper experienced any negative moments.
When the child grows, he has new fears:
- Do not pass the session;
- To lose a job;
- Do not interview;
- stay alone;
- To be expelled.
Entrance becomes a terrible complex, which fully controls the behavior of a person in society. He has problems in relationship with the opposite sex, work colleagues, supervisors and even friends. He hardly goes to a new contact, she tries to relent and be satisfied with the minimum desires. After all, the garde duckling is not supposed to eat a good feed, wearing a beautiful plumage and drink clean water from the bowl.
How to get rid of shy
It is not necessary to destroy anything, because the energy of shyness is also energy. It is necessary to simply transform flatness into modesty. Only and everything. Modesty is an adequate healthy feeling that is perceived as politeness and tactfulness.
A modest person is not afraid to ask the seller-consultant to show the goods, he does not appear com in the throat, if necessary, loudly ask the driver of the minibus to stop transport and so on.
But first you need to understand yourself: what exactly is shy? Perhaps only when familiar with the opposite sex or help? There are also people who shy good attitude towards themselves. It seems to them that they do not deserve it. It is difficult for them to take extraneous assistance: it drives them into paint and fills with irrational fear.
It turns out that the shy man suffers always:
- from a bad attitude towards yourself (for what?);
- From a good attitude towards yourself (I do not deserve).
Such a state of the psyche simply deprives a person of the joy of life, the joy of communicating with people, self-realization in society. Without psychological adjustment, it is not necessary to do here. If the complexes have been formed since childhood, only a specialist - a psychologist will help.
How to overcome shower and uncertainty in oneself
To do this, you need to find free time for self-analysis so that no one bothered to work out all situations.Step one
It is necessary to find the root cause. Why do you consider yourself unworthy to get gifts from life? What prevents the world from declare yourself? Maybe someone inspired you this idea, or did you make such a conclusion? But all people are the same, no one is better and no worse. Everyone has the right to happiness, and not just chosen individuals.
Think about this question thoroughly. Everyone has the right to happiness, freedom and self-realization. No one has the right to take away his dignity from another person and the chance to express themselves in society.
Step two
You need to change your attitude towards criticism from children's for adult. If the child scolds, then the punishment in the form of a physical impact or ban on something (watch a cartoon, to get a dessert, etc.). Adult man no one punishes, so the attitude towards criticism should be constructive. You need to learn to remove the emotional component and look at things from the position of logic. I did something wrong? Come into account, next time I will correct.It also needs to be understood that there are many psychopaths among people (especially in major cities). This is a special state of the psyche when a person is consciously looking for a sacrifice. They can still be called energy vampires. If a person behaves emphasized inadequately and is trying to humiliate the other, then he is not psychopath?
React to it is not necessary: a negative reaction is needed to psychopaths. If the reaction is not, the psychopath will leave the failed sacrifice alone. Psychopathy does not apply to mental illness, it is a disorder of behavior.
Step Third
We need once and forever refuse fear "What people will say that people will think about me." Of course, this does not mean that you can go into all the grave, but also no need to complex. If you do a negligible business, then what's the difference that Baba Masha think about it with a bench?
Remember: People will always condemn and speak badly about all in a row, so they should not be guided by their judgments. It's impossible to like everyone in a row, and no need.
Just live your life, implement your plans and do not look around for others. People will always be critically configured: they either envy the success of others, or rejoice in failures. They never please.
How to improve self-confidence
To become confident, you need to stop doing after yourself. If you figure it out, any inner criticism originates in the complexes formed since childhood. Or maybe someone said once that you do not get anything to anything. This information fastened firmly in the subconscious and does not allow living quietly. The one who has identified your "unsuitability" simply self-afforded at your expense.
There are no undalaterable people, just not everyone could reveal their abilities.
Insecurity and impactivity is the reverse side of self-confidence and arrogance. Ensusity also destructively acts on a person, as well as arrogance. These are the two extremes from which you need to get rid of.
Think, do you know well with yourself? Maybe it's time to meet and make friends? Look at yourself from the side, as if you see yourself for the first time. Forget about those estimates that other people awarded you.
Sergey Prokofiev, who wrote many beautiful children's choral songs for Soviet guys, was excluded from the choir. The teacher considered that the future composer was not capable of singing in the children's choir. And many such examples. Therefore, draw conclusions. No one has the right to judge you and your abilities.
Start the diary of personal growth and write down even the smallest victories over yourself. It helps and inspires. Record in the diary you need for affirmations for you. For example, "I can negotiate with people" or "Every day I draw everything better and better." Find current approvals and proclaim them every day: the water is sharpened, and you can redo yourself.
Find for yourself a new image, work as an image. The old image of a cowardly commissioned loser needs to be destroyed. Draw this image on paper, put in it all your contempt and indignation - and burn. See how the sheet burns and say goodbye to your complexes: they burned down on fire.
What image need to create? Just imagine a person who would like to communicate with. Here to him and strive. Watch out for your speech, posture, facial expression. Than a new personality. But we can go to the perfectionism: he still did not make anyone, and it was not possible to approach the ideal yet.
Start focusing on luck, and not on lesions.
Start confidently talk to people, as with yourself. Complexed people even thanks once again to say ashamed, it still adds oil into the fire. But you are now liberated by a person free from complexes, so start smiling and make compliments to people.
Take yourself self-regulation techniques. The fact is that the shy man often sweats and bluses with awkward situations. That this does not occur, lighten the exercises for the control of these states.
In the completion of the transformation process you need to love yourself. Love the way God created. One who does not like themselves, do not like people. Remember this rule. The fact is that thoughts and feelings are easily transmitted to others. If you are filled with fear, uncertainty and criticism of yourself - these states are transmitted to others. How will they love you if you criticize yourself and scold? Think about.